Her Story

So there I am, stealing another hug because I’m too afraid to let my heels rise off the ground to reach up and kiss him. The car is still running in the background and I can feel my heart racing as I steal one more embrace. “See you in November,” I say, and I turn around, get into my car and drive away.

………………..

We met three years earlier at a blogger meetup. It was a few months after the breakup with The Ex. I hadn’t planned on dating anyone, but I had to call dibs. I remember when he came to meet us at Millennium Park. A few bloggers and I were playing tourists in the city. I was so nervous and it didn’t help that the girls I was with kept making swoony faces and singing the k-i-s-s-i-n-g song. They purposely fell back as we walked so he and I could be “alone.” Either he didn’t notice, or he’s a really good sport.

That summer was spent burying our feet in the sand, stealing kisses from the passenger seat, and other swoon-worthy moments. But despite how happy I was with him, I couldn’t shake the feeling that the timing was wrong. I still felt so fragile and it didn’t help that The Ex popped back into my life, after I asked him not to, to give me his “blessing.” Between that, what was going on with my dad and my living situation, I was a complete mess. It broke my heart to do it, but I had to stop seeing him. I had a lot of growing to do.

A few months ago we made plans to get dinner while I was visiting the Chicago folks. I hadn’t seen him since 2009. I had no idea what to expect, but it was almost like no time had passed at all and that was weird. As we drove back down my street and said our goodbyes, it was so difficult not to kiss him. I was so confused by what I was feeling. Minutes after getting inside I texted him to let him know what I was thinking in the car. I half hoped he would turn around, drive back to my house and kiss me. He didn’t reply and I assumed that I crossed a line. Embarrassed, I texted an apology if I made things awkward. Lucky for me, he never received my first text, but when I told him what it said I was so relieved to know he felt the same way.

I had to go back to Los Angeles, but I took a risk and asked him to join me in Maine for a wedding in June. To my surprise he said yes. And after that we began texting more and slowly re-entered each other’s lives. Not wanting to put any pressure on it, I didn’t really tell anyone that we had re-connected. While in Maine, I felt like the universe was telling me to open up my eyes and realize what was in front of me. On our first night there, we found a napkin left behind on our table that read “love is all you need.” The next day, as we walked around the city, I acknowledged that I felt something for him. And as I was sorting through the emotions I was feeling, I saw a wall that said “trust it please.” Okay universe, you’re freaking me out. But I was scared, and I didn’t want to risk overstepping any boundaries, so I didn’t act on what I felt.

Which brings us back to June.

………………..

As I drive down the street I am overwhelmed with regret. This doesn’t feel right. I start to drive around the block. As I reach for my phone to call him, it rings. It’s him. I’m not even listening as he asks if I know how to get back home. I tell him that I am in front of his apartment and ask him to come back outside. The car is still running and my heart, still racing. I tell him I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. “It took all of my strength not to kiss you.” And with that, I let my heels come off the ground. “That’s why I came back.” And I kissed him.

I knew we weren’t finished.

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Tagged as: a love story, love