Last year, when I had “Let it be” tattooed over my heart, it was my way of reminding myself to find the wisdom and courage needed to accept the situations and emotions that were out of my control. I held onto so much negativity, mostly out of guilt. It took me a very long time to realize that Letting Go did not mean I had to stop caring.
This year, I had “nothing’s gonna change my world” tattooed across my shoulder. The message is similar, but I wanted to focus on the fact that nothing will ever break me if I don’t let it. Holding onto so much negativity really weighed me down. So much so that I started turning on myself. I began to dislike who I was, not realizing that it wasn’t me, but all of the hate and hurt I’ve been holding in. No amount of hair dye could change that, heh.
Now this sounds very dramatic. I guess it was. My relationship with my dad has been rocky, at best. Over the last two years I’ve come a very long way and made some very hard decisions. I’m finally at a place that feels good. I’m still navigating our new relationship. And, at times, it is very hard.
The biggest lesson learned is that I can’t hold onto this (read: him). Our relationship will always be work, but I won’t let it pick away at me. At the end of the day, I am in control. I can choose to let it hurt me, or help me. So whether I decide to keep working or walk away, neither decision will break me. Nothing’s gonna change my world.
Additionally, I’m a HUGE Beatles fan (whoa, really?). I love “Let It Be” (the song) and “Across The Universe” is in my top five Beatles songs. I just now realized that both those songs are on the Let It Be album, which only made this combination feel more right. The idea behind “Across the Universe” was initially quite negative, but John Lennon turned it into something inspirational.
Later this year I’d like to connect the two some how. I’m still working that out in my head.
Mom, it’ll be okay.
Side note: I went to Body Electric Tattoo in West Hollywood. Despite almost tattooing the wrong word (my mistake), I really dug the artists and environment. It’s very laid back, friendly and clean. The guys do some amazing work too. I recommend checking it out if you’re in the area.
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